The Doctor is OutOf His Mind
by alicat54
Summary: Law returns to Hogwarts to clean up the wizard's little Dark Lord problem, for like the third time. Now if only he can keep himself sane while Straw Hat Luffy bounces around the castle... pre-Dressarosa post-Punk Hazard. Sequel to The Doctor is In.
1. Chapter 1

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The Doctor is Out ... Of His Mind

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The sun shone jollily down from a clear blue sky, making the ocean sparkle like diamonds.

Of course, such calm weather hardly meant safety to a ship traversing the New World, but this particular vessel had the devil's luck, so it was not too worried.

Trafalgar Law allowed himself a relaxed sigh as he sat of the deck of the Straw Hat Pirate's ship. At long last the final stages of his plan were unfolding. Soon he and his allies would arrive at Dressarosa, where he would confront Joker for the last time.

To his right, Monkey D. Luffy lounged on the lion figure head. The only other person on deck lay stretched out on a lawn chair, her long orange hair falling in curls around her shoulders.

The dark doctor lay his head back against the railing. He liked it when a plan came together, and despite the best efforts of his fellow captain, this one still managed to pull through. He let out another pleased sigh.

Just a few more days, and he would finally be free of Doflamingo.

Law gagged as he felt something stab into his gut. His mind raced to diagnose the source. Had his wounds reopened? Did Vergo's rough treatment of his internal organs leave a time delayed surprise of internal bleeding or fractured rib? The battle had put significant stress on his heart.

"Hey!" Straw Hat said, as his guest keeled over on the deck.

"Is he all right?" The navigator's voice called.

The surgeon of death curled into himself as another spasm of pain pulled behind his navel. Instinctively, Law lashed out against the terrifyingly familiar sensation, using all of his power to remain on the Sunny's deck.

"Hey, Trafal-guy, you all right?" Straw Hat asked, poking at his shoulder.

"I'll go get Chopper," the orange haired woman said, leaving her lawn chair to get the reindeer doctor.

Another pull, and this time the surgeon found himself unable to resist. A hook behind his navel grew taught, dragging the unwilling doctor away.

The deck of the Thousand Sunny was suddenly empty, neither captain in sight.

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Soft.

A pillow under his head. His shoulders sunk several centimeters into a mattress that smelled strongly of disinfectant, but not blood, so it couldn't be anywhere on his ship.

Even Mugiwara's medical bay smelled faintly of copper.

Law opened his eyes.

No pipes, no planks of Adam wood, just white painted ceiling stretching high above him.

The doctor's stomach sank.

It looked familiar.

He pushed himself onto his elbows and sat up.

The hospital wing of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry greeted him. Law's knuckles clenched white against the sheets. He noticed that his gloves and coat were missing, as well as his hat and the rest of his cloths. Instead he wore a light blue hospital gown over his undershorts, which did nothing to hide the myriad of tattoos inking his chest, back, and arms.

"I see you are awake my boy."

Law's head snapped to his left, where an old man in sparkling blue robes sat smiling at him.

"Dumbledore," the pirate growled through grit teeth. "Why am I here?"

"Calm yourself, dear boy. Poppy said that you are suffering from some internal bruising around your heart, as well as severe stress to your magical core." He chuckled. "Though I believe the last symptom is a result of your trip here, for which I apologize."

"Why am I here?" Law growled again. He could taste blood at the edge of his mouth where his teeth pressed together.

"We thought that Voldemort had captured you."

Law glowered. "Do I look in need of rescue?"

"Your wounds were quite severe."

"I was treating myself."

"Calm yourself my boy," Dumbledore said. "When we traced the portkey from the maze, all we found in the graveyard was a group of slaughtered Death Eaters and the remains of a dark ritual. You cannot blame us for assuming the worst."

"Well, as you can see I am in good health. You can send me back now."

"I'm afraid we can't do that my boy. Voldemort has been causing trouble; the safest place for you is at Hogwarts."

"I killed Voldemort during the tournament," he growled, noting that his fists had clenched along with his jaw, adding to the blood leaking from his person.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled darkly. "I have my suspicions as to how he survived. In any case, he shall not rest until he finds you."

"He would not have been able to find me if you had just left me alone!" The man lurched forward, ignoring the soreness thrumming through his body.

"You left enough of your possessions here that creating a summoning spell was not too difficult to create. Voldemort would have found a way."

Law frowned in confusion, before a backlog of magical knowledge trickled into his brain. Some types of summoning spells required an anchor of some sort to help the spell identify the one being summoned. Usually such things as a lock of hair, or a much loved personal item were used. The doctor made a note to scour his room with fire to remove all evidence of his habitation before leaving.

The very idea of living in fear of these wizards summoning him at inopportune times was enough to drive him mad.

He took a breath to recenter his thoughts.

None of this mattered anyway. He had the means to get home. The moment the wizards left, he would create another portkey and take himself back to the Grand Line. The surgeon forced himself to calm down with that in mind.

Let the wizards become complacent, thinking only they had the means for him to get home.

The pirate took another deep breath and unclenched his sticky red fists. "I thank you for your concern on my behalf, headmaster. The situation must be truly dire for the wizarding world."

"No need to apologize my dear boy!" the old man beamed, apparently not noticing the tiny pools of blood welling in his guest's palms.

Law really wanted to say that, no he really was not apologizing, but bit his tongue. "I assume that I shall be returning to my post as assistant healer then?"

"Actually, a staff position has recently become available. It would be best for all of us if you were to consider that post instead."

Law shrugged, his mind sorting though the wand motions to correctly make a portkey.

He would also need to steal another wand, as his had proven useless once the pirate had returned to the Grand Line. Law theorized that maybe the magnetic fields responsible for the irregular tides and weather might be negatively effecting the wizard's spells, but in the end decided he had better things to occupy his mind than the mystery of why magic did not work in the ocean filled world. The length of wood currently lay out of reach, locked on his ship in a chest labeled 'Future Projects'.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily. "Very good! I'm sure you would like to keep your friend close as well."

The pirate's attention snapped back to the headmaster. "What friend?"

"The boy with the straw hat. He appeared to have been caught up in the summoning spell and brought here with you."

Law's mind derailed mid plot. "Where is he?"

"I believe Madam Pomphrey is accompanying him to the kitchens for a snack. As I was saying, Hagrid is unavailable, and we need someone to fill the groundskeeper position till he returns. Your friend would be welcome to live in the castle of course."

"Fine," Law said, wondering how long it would take for him to find his ally to return them both to the Grand Line.

Dumbledore smiled. "I shall have your rooms set up immediately!"

Law made to get out of the bed, but the world had developed a hazy outline. He blinked sharply and shook his head.

"That would be the dreamless sleep potion taking effect, I imagine," the headmaster said in his annoying grandfatherly voice. "Madam Pomphrey didn't think it wise for you to be awake so soon after your arrival, and gave you a light dose in case you woke."

The doctor opened his mouth, but whether it was to snarl a reply, or summon a 'room' to separate the sleeping drug from his body remained unknown, as he fell back against the pillows into oblivion.

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A/N: So the manga translation I read doesn't really have a consistent nickname for what the Strawhat crew calls Law. I picked Trafal-guy, because it tickled my fancy. Other contenders were Torao, Tiger, and Traffy.

Also, chapters are going to be much shorter than chaps from The Doctor is In.

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	2. Chapter 2

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ch2

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Sunlight could go die in a ditch, Law decided, as a particularly harsh beam crossed his closed eyes. He rolled over, burying his face in the antiseptic smelling pillow. The scent brought the previous day's happenings into sharp focus.

Law did not groan. He did not grit his teeth, nor did he clench his fists, though he noticed someone had wrapped his palms with gauze. It was a purely ornamental gesture, as the skin underneath was unblemished and still tingling with the healing powers of magic. The doctor poked at the skin, noting the oily residue.

Madam Pomphrey must have used a salve instead of a spell, which meant that she did not want his body to suffer from the stress of too many charms placed upon it. Potions and wand work operated on completely different principles. Knowing how to properly balance the biochemical and energy of intent was the mark of a professional healer. Or at last, that was what wizarding medical texts said.

The spells used to treat internal injuries which did not react badly with the skin rejuvenation ointment were few in number, but all ran their course after twenty four hours, which meant that Law could leave the hospital wing without suffering from any adverse spell effects.

Feeling mildly calmer after a rough diagnosis of his body, Law pulled his feet out from under the heavy down blankets and trotted to the cupboard where he knew patient's clothing to be stored.

Sure enough his jeans, coat, and shirt lay neatly folded and freshly laundered beside his hat on the top shelf.

Quickly dressing, the doctor spared a glance at the sheets on the bed, before leaving them where they were. If he recalled the specifics of a summoning charm correctly, the white cloth had not remained in contact with him long enough to resonate with what the books had called a 'magical aura'. He stuffed the blood stained bandages into his pocket, though, and made a note to burn them later.

He swept from he hospital wing, black coat billowing in his wake. The sooner he found Mugiwara, the sooner he could leave.

Now, where would the younger captain be?

Law thought upon what he knew of the other Supernova.

He was unpredictable, good enough in a fight to be a threat, never stopped smiling, and harassed his chief to the point where Law wondered why the blonde didn't seek other employment.

The Heart Pirate nodded to himself, and set his feet towards the Great Hall. As he went, portraits turned and whispered amongst themselves and the suits of armor turned their heads to follow him. Not for the first time, he wondered whether the castle's odd quirks were able to be used as some kind of defense system. After all, inanimate objects could not exactly be killed...

His musings carried him all the way down the great staircase and into the dining hall. The house tables were empty, indicating that term had not yet started. From the slight chill in the air and the warm afternoon light pouring from the enchanted ceiling, Law guessed the time to be very late august.

"Hey, Traffy-guy! You're awake!" The shout echoed against the stone walls, doing nothing to diminish the boisterous enthusiasm.

Law winced at the boy's volume. "Mugiwara-ya," he greeted. He had had trouble with honorifics when he first appeared in the North Blue, but now it was more of a personal quirk.

The young captain bounced from his seat at the head table, where he had been eating beside various members of staff. The teachers' expressions were split between horror at the pirate's manners and shock at his casual vault over said table to meet his companion.

The surgeon braced himself for impact as the rubbery boy fired a stream of words at him.

"Are you feeling better? The nice grandma-nurse lady tried to tell me what was wrong, but she spoke all funny. In fact, everyone here speaks all funny- it's a mystery! But they have really good food here- not as good as Sanji's but not too bad either! How did we get here anyway? Where's my ship?"

The doctor put up a hand. "Not here." The wizards might be unable to speak the language of the Blues, but Law had a natural inclination to not talk about his plans in front of a potential enemy.

Mugiwara shrugged. "Ok, I wanted to change out of this thing anyway." He pulled at the rumpled black robe we wore instead of his usual shorts and vest. Waving cheerfully at the head table, he skipped away down the hallway.

Law followed with more dignity, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. A headache was imminent.

Straw Hat led him up the stairs to a familiar room situated near the hospital wing. Law recognized it as his old office. Opening the door, his old desk and bookshelves greeted him. Good, this will save him from having to track down his belongings to destroy them.

The far door stood open after Mugiwara had kicked it open, revealing that the once small side room had been enlarged to contain two beds and an additional wardrobe. Luffy had shed his robe and pulled one of the doors open to reveal his change of cloths.

"Nice and clean!" he cheered, flopping onto the bed.

Law entered the bedroom as well, leaving the door open ajar behind him to watch for intruders.

"So, Traffal-guy, where are we?" Mugiwara asked, bouncing lightly on the mattress.

"They call this place Hogwarts, which is in a country called the United Kingdoms. It is in another dimension."

"Oh, is that all." The pirate stuck out his bottom lip. "So, it's like the mystery rainbow mist."

"Sure." The surgeon had no idea what he was talking about, so chose to ignore it in order to preserve his sanity. "The people here can do magic, and summoned us from the deck of the Thousand Sunny."

Mugiwara's pout became a puzzled frown. "Why did they bring us here?"

The doctor waved a hand dismissively. "They want me to defeat a terrorist named Voldemort. He's tried to kill me before, but that is not important-"

"Neh, we should stick around to kick this Voldy's ass!" Straw Hat crowed.

Law clenched his teeth, trying to maintain a semblance of calm as he turned to his fellow captain.

"No, we need to get to Dressarosa. Remember our alliance!"

The younger man pouted. "But Trafal-guy, they're asking for your help to defeat a mystery bad guy!" He stressed the word 'mystery' like it was the most fascinating part of the entire explanation. Who knows, to him maybe it was.

"We have our own problems."

"But this place looks fun!" he waved at one of the moving portraits. "And isn't Voldy out to kill you? If we left, wouldn't he just use the same mystery teleportation that brought us here to find you again?"

Law blinked. That thought made too much sense to have come from the airhead in front of him. Maybe the dark doctor had been underestimating the intelligence of his fellow captain this whole time. Maybe the boy had hidden wells of knowledge just waiting for the proper stimulation to be put to use.

Luffy chose that moment to see how far up his nose he could stuff his finger.

No, Law decided, the idea, while valid, was probably a fluke.

Averting his eyes from the scientifically interesting but disgustingly unintelligent view beside him, the doctor wracked his brain for the spell he had used to return to the Grand Line the last time he found himself stranded in the wizarding world.

At the very least he could drop Straw Hat back on his ship before dealing with the wizard problem once and for all.

The Heart Pirate felt around in his right hand pocket, then he felt around in his left pocket. He took off his long coat and shook it thoroughly to see of anything fell out: nothing did.

Sweat broke out on his brow. His den den mushi was no where to be found. Without it he was unable to utilize its connection to the Grand Line to make a transdimensional portkey.

In other words, he was stuck here.

With the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates.

Law _really_ wanted to kill something.

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A/N: The 'rainbow mist' Luffy mentioned is from a cannon event in the anime where the mugiwara crew goes to another dimension where time is all weird. No joke.

Also, biochemistry class has eaten my soul, so no updates till after this first round of exams. :P sorry


	3. Chapter 3

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ch3

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Taking a deep breath, the dark doctor rehashed the plan in his mind for what felt like the hundredth time.

Step One: Play nice with the wizards, they have the ability to get back to the Grand Line. This apparently includes defeating Voldemort. Again. For like the third time.

Step Two: Before leaving, destroy every item which could be used to re-summon him from the Grand Line.

Step Three: Do not get drawn into the madness that is Straw Hat.

His eyes flicked to the body snoozing in the bed next to him, limbs akimbo and pillows thrown to the floor, and found himself repressing a small smile with horror.

He reevaluated step three, and underlined it a few times in bright colors so that the message seared itself into his psyche.

Sighing, he rolled out from under the covers. The cloths he had been wearing on the Thousand Sunny had been cleaned overnight and nearly folded on the dresser. Out of curiosity he opened the wardrobe. Someone, a house elf most likely, had filled it with the cloths Law had left behind on his last trip to the wizarding world.

The doctor tugged a long sleeved yellow shirt from its hanger and pulled it on over a pair of blue jeans. The fabric clung to his filled out frame, defining the muscles Law had gained across his arms and shoulders since the shirt was first bought.

All the cloths would have to be destroyed, obviously, but for now he would need to wear them. Straw Hat would need a new outfit as well... Law sighed. He very much disliked the wizarding world.

Leaving his coat folded where it was, he picked up his sword and left the room. Dumbledore had given him the password to his office, and Law wished to speak with the headmaster about his role in the unavoidable conflict he had been roped into. He had not exactly been listening when the old man explained it before.

The whole Voldemort mess could hardly be called a war. No, Law had seen a real war. A war fit only for the best. This wizard skirmish was not worthy of such an imposing title.

He rounded the hall to see the ugly gargoyle guarding the door to the headmaster's office.

"Lemon drop," Law said, the benign words sounding menacing as they crossed his lips.

"Ah, Mr. Potter! Good to see you!" Dumbledore beamed from behind his desk. "I was just about to send for you!"

Inclining his head stiffly, Law settled himself into a chair. Most of his willpower was being used to stop himself from falling into a murderous rage at the sight of the meddlesome old fool, so the doctor excused himself from summoning up a polite answer to the greeting in favor of getting down to business.

"You say that Voldemort has returned. What has he been doing, and what have you done to oppose him thus far?"

"Voldemort's forces have been quiet since the incident with the Tri Wizard Tournament in june. I believe that is mostly thanks to your efforts," Dumbledore nodded to him, eyes twinkling. The doctor ignored him, lest he break something. Like some vertebrae between the shoulders and neck.

"I've tried to inform the Ministry, however Fudge is being stubborn. I've recalled the Order to fight in case Voldemort tries something before I have convinced Cornelius to see reason." Dumbledore continued.

"What is the Order?" Las asked.

"The Order of the Phoenix is a group which has opposed Voldemort in the past. I have called upon some former members, in light of Voldemort's recent return." Dumbledore chuckled. "The Ministry has been pressuring the school lately, with trying to fulfill the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, but thanks to you agreeing to take the position I have had time to reassemble the Order. Things are moving along at a much faster rate than I had hoped."

The doctor tilted his head to the side. He didn't expect the headmaster to be in charge of a civilian militia, but the old man did have a habit of sticking his fingers into too many pies.

"If you wish for me to help you defeat Voldemort," Law left off the again, lest he sound irritable, "Then I will need to be kept up to date on all the information you and your group have about his forces' movements."

"I will of course let you know once I have everything gathered-"

"No. If you want my help, then I must be kept informed with up to date information. I will not walk onto a battlefield without a plan."

The headmaster smiled in an indulgent grandfatherly way. "My dear boy, the Order will have everything taken care of before anything serious occurs."

"Let me re-phrase that then," the doctor's smirk matched the old man's cheer with poison. "I refuse to walk onto a battlefield with only one of your plans."

"My dear boy-"

"I do not mean to undermine your organization," his eyes narrow dangerously, begging the old man to correct him, "but I have had more experience in these matters than you. The most efficient way for us to work together would be for you to keep me informed, than for me to keep myself informed." Of course, Law would be working on his own information network as well, but the old man did not need to know that.

Dumbledore frowned. "Your request is not unreasonable, however I cannot allow you to premptively go onto the battlefield simply because you do not agree with the Order's plan."

It was lucky that Law's hands were tucked in his pockets under the desk, or else the effort he was putting into keeping his hands still would alert the headmaster to his narrowly avoided death. The dark doctor had tortured countless crews at sea for less than what he was being forced to tolerate now.

He forced his face into a pleasant smile. "I meant nothing of the sort, headmaster. I simply feel that my experience might be useful when the Order is planning. We must utelize our resources in this time of... crisis." The taste of copper slid around his tongue from where he had clenched his teeth.

The tinkle returned to the old man's eye. "Of course! I'm glad you are thinking ahead on this. I shall inform you when the Order holds meetings so you may attend."

To Law his tone sounded akin to a master rewarding a particularly smart dog for learning a surprising trick. The doctor kept his face frozen in it's painful contortion. The wounds on his hands had reformed. "Thank you."

Law stood abruptly from his seat, fists in his pockets. "I must be going to check if Mugiwara has awakened."

"Ah yes, your companion, Mugiwara was it? Do be sure to tell him about his assisting Hagrid on the grounds this year. And on that note, Minerva has offered to help you form a lesson plan for your classes."

Tension stretched taught across the doctor's shoulders. He had forgotten about that little promise. "I shall be sure to thank her," he said, before striding out the office door.

Later, Filch, the caretaker, would be livid to find an entire hallway full of suits of armor smashed to pieces and sliced in increasingly creative ways. No portrait in the vicinity claimed to have seen what happened, except for one particularly annoying knight, but no one believed his tale of a black clothed blur wielding a sword. He blamed the incident on Peeves, and used the case as evidence to once again petition the headmaster to expell the poltergiest.

Elsewhere, a mildly calmer surgeon made his way back to his office. An old woman in a nurse's outfit waited outside the door for him.

"Oh, Trafalgar, thank goodness you are here! I didn't know what to do with him," Madam Pomphrey ushered the confused doctor into the hospital wing.

One look at the nearest occupied bed, and Law could understand her concern.

Sprawled across the sheets, an unconscious Straw Hat captain snores, his arms patting the obscenely huge blob his stomach has become.

"The house elves dropped him off here a few minutes ago," the nurse said. "He had been so happy to eat their cooking, that they didn't think something was wrong until he passed out. He must be suffering from a ruptured stomach, or perhaps an allergic reaction of some kind..."

The doctor shook his head. "Do not trouble yourself madam, I assure you he is quite well. My...comrade suffers from a rather strange anatomical condition which leaves his body to behave as though it were made of rubber."

The nurse looked horrified. "Did he get in front of a spell as a child?"

Law shrugged. "Something like that."

The old woman's hands flew to her mouth. "The poor dear! No wonder he eats so much- if his stomach is rubber, then his brain would not be able to sense the stomach lining stretch to indicate when he is full! He must be constantly starving!"

"Actually, I think that last bit is a family trait," the doctor added, mind drifting to the one time he had met Vice Admiral Garp at a meting for the seven Warlords.

Pomphrey did not hear him over her own frantic fluttering around the prone form on the bed. "I suppose there is nothing to do but let him sleep it off," she said at last, before bustling back to her office.

Law massaged the space between his eyes, wondering when the imminent headache would crash down on him. He was beginning to regret his alliance with the Straw Hat captain.

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	4. Chapter 4

AN: read the A/N below if you're confused about the chapter's setup

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ch4

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"And now just a few announcements before we tuck into our delicious feast," Dumbledore said to the hall of students. Beside Law, Luffy fidgeted with is plate and goblet. His hands stubbornly held spoon and fork in his fists ready to dig into the as-of-yet to be presented meal.

"...The new assistant groundskeeper Mugiwara." Oops, Law must have tuned the old man out. He quickly joined the clapping following the announcement. "And I am happy to announce that Trafalgar Law will be returning to Hogwarts as our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor." The applause was more enthusiastic, especially from the female half of the students.

The plates filled with food, and the doctor turned professor reached for the wine. He normally would refrain from drinking when in enemy territory, but he felt that he would need it by the end of the semester.

He ignored the whispered breaking out across the Great Hall in favor of...also ignoring the atrocious manners of the person sitting beside him at the head table.

Straw Hat's arm sprang across the table, snatching an entire roast off the platter to the doctor's far left and stuffing it whole into the rubber man's mouth. The roast was soon joined by three steaks and a chicken, before the pirate even attempted to swallow.

Was this really the one who defeated Caesar back on Punk Hazard?

In his peripheral vision, Law morbidly watched the platters systematically empty around him. Not even the plates in front of the other teachers were safe. Just how did the other Mugiwara Pirates deal with such a captain?

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"Were you were lying about being engaged before?" Hermionie asked.

"When did I ever say that?" Law said, shuffling the papers on his desk.

The girl looked at the floor in embarrassment. "Never mind."

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"You may recall me as the winner of last year's Tri Wizard Tournament, or as Madam Pomphrey's former assistant in the hospital wing. I will be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher from now on. You may call me Professor Law."

The student's eyes followed his back as he wrote his name on the board.

"Now this is the," he glanced at the schedule on the desk, "Fifth year class, correct?" There were several murmurs of agreement. "Then we will be focusing on preparing you for your OWL examinations. Who can tell me what you have covered during your last four years at Hogwarts?"

The teenagers shifted uncomfortably, eyes shifting to look at each other. Finally one curly haired boy raised his hand. "Um, in third year we learned a bit about magical creatures."

"All right, anything else?"

The class remained silent. Law sighed- maybe he could just have them read the book instead of wasting his valuable time...

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"Exploring this place is so much fun!" Straw Hat chattered. "There's all sorts of cool bugs and stuff in the forest, and real centaurs! At least, I'm pretty sure they're real...you didn't make them like those guys on Punk Hazard did you?"

"No."

"Good! Anyway, they wouldn't give me horse legs too, so I had to beat some of them up. Then Hagrid came over and stopped us," he pouted. "Hagrid's nice, I guess. Sometimes I help him out when he's doing stuff, and he gives me tea. Oh, and he has a dog!"

The pirate waves his hands around excitedly. "And his little brother is awesome!" Luffy babbled. "He's just as big as Whitebeard-ossan!"

Law nodded absently as he graded papers.

"He calls me Lulu!"

"That's fascinating Mugiwara-ya."

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Law looked at the newly appointed High Inquisitor, managing to hide his distaste under a mask in indifference.

"The minister just wants to make sure that Dumbledore's dangerous ideas pose no threat to the student's safety," Dolores Umbridge bats her bulbous eyes at him. "But I'm sure such a handsome agreeable man like yourself need not trouble yourself with such things."

The doctor repressed his gag reflex and smirked. "Thank you for thinking so highly of me."

She giggled. _Giggled._ "The minister thinks quite highly of you, Trafalgar. He remembers your last meeting only with fondness, I'm sure!"

Law did not grimace at her sickly sweet tone. The 'last meeting' she referred to must have been when the dark doctor visited the Department of Mysteries, much lot of good that trip was. He had baited Fudge with meeting a celebrity, and the minister had not been able to deny his cordial request in front of so many cameras.

"In any case," she continues breathily, "I just popped by to let you know that I shall be inspecting your class some time next week, after I have finished going over the Transfiguration Department."

Law doubted the woman would give him a bad report after all the flattering she tried to slip him, but he nodded anyway.

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Law reached down and picked up the plastic case the girls had been passing between themselves. A picture of tall masted ships traversed across a green sea, while a stylized yellow banner in the corner said 'Bee Gees Trafalgar.'

"Please sir," the brunette squeaked, "That's my CD case!"

The doctor eyed the fifth year, tempted to keep the item on principle. He held it out to her. "You shouldn't have distractions like that with you in class. Next time I will have to confiscate it."

"Yes sir! Thank you sir!" She hesitated. "Uh, sir?"

"What?"

"Could you sign it?"

He looked at her flatly, before turning to the front of the classroom. "Fifty points from Hufflepuff."

The girl looked ready to melt from embarrassment.

Law savored her tears, while reminding himself that he was not allowed to perform experiments on students. No matter how much he might want to.

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Law noticed a strange case of abrasions appearing on the backs of student's hands over the next few weeks. The marks seemed to be uniform, and spreading steadily across the student populace.

Unable to contain his medical curiosity (was it a flesh eating parasite? a new kind of skin condition?) the doctor held back the students who exhibited symptoms one by one after class.

Some careful questioning to get past the student's embarrassment and discomfort, as well as thorough examination of the rashes, led the pirate to believe that these woulds were self-inflicted.

The case became immediately less interesting.

He didn't particularly know or care why the students were harming themselves in such a manner. When the wounds proved to be a problem (blood stains on essays and such) the doctor prescribed bowls of murtlap essence for the student's to soak their hands in.

The grateful looks and quiet thank you's did not go unnoticed by the pirate.

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"I think you should teach us more defensive spells!" Hermionie says, fists clenched at her sides.

Law considers her from behind his office desk. "Do you not think the core curriculum is enough?"

She shook her head. "No, I think your classes will certainly let us pass our OWLs, but..." she took a deep breath, "But there is more to life than school! There's dangerous stuff out there, and we need to learn to defend ourselves properly!"

The doctor nodded. "Yes, quite a few things in the world would have no qualms killing you. I don't see what you're asking me though."

"What I mean is- what I'm asking is-" she hesitated, trying to pull her thoughts into words. "Would you please teach me and some other students outside of class so we know how to properly defend ourselves?"

"Like, a group tutoring session?"

She nodded vigorously.

Law leaned back. "But you said yourself that my classes were sufficient, and wouldn't this be giving you an edge over the other students?"

"Please Professor Law! I want to learn how to fight!"

The dark doctor considered the slip of a teenager in front of him. Curse his sentimentality to the depths of Impel Down.

"I might be able to arrange something," he said, noting the gratefulness creeping onto her face. "However, I will be asking for a favor in return..."

...

...

The dark doctor tried to detach himself from the madness that was the Mugiwara crew, but found himself slipping. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Luffy looked up from his intense staring match with the end of his fishing rod to grin at the Heart Pirate. "I saw a huge squid in there! I'm going to catch it and see if all the mini-Sanji's will make me calamari!"

Law tried not to imagine the bemused expression on his face: either he was starting to understand the other captain's madness (oh please god no!) or Straw Hat actually was talking sense. Instead he said, "I do not think the headmaster would like it if you ate their pet."

"What? It's their pet? Like Surume?"

"Uh, sure." Good, Law had no idea what the boy was talking about. The last few moments of sense must have just been a trick of the universe.

...

...

Luffy laughs raucously as the Weasley Twins zoom out of sight over the horizon.

"Those two were great!" he crowed to Law from his perch. "I should have asked them to join my crew!"

...

...

"Don't be so harsh on the poor dears," Madam Pomphrey said. "Their father just died recently."

Law glanced at the Weasley children more closely, before remembering that one was meant to offer some kind of sentiment when another person died. "Oh."

...

...

"Hey, Trafal-guy! Check out these weird horse things!"

Law indulgently turned to where Straw Hat was gesturing, and did a double take.

Skeletal frames with dark blood stained coats, wild eyes white with blindness, large leathery bat like wings? A smile crept onto the pirate's face.

A dead eyed foal crept from the herd and began gnawing on the heart pirate's sleeve with wickedly sharp teeth. The doctor ran a hand over it's stringy main, and it whipped around to investigate his glove. A forked tongue lashed out to lick at a dried splash of blood hidden by his glove's black color.

'So cute!' Laws mind screamed. Or it would have if he wasn't a strong manly man...yeah, he totally did not think the adorable little death horse was cute...or adorably able to be cuddled either.

Straw Hat had managed to corral a few of the horses together into a race around the clearing. He stood with one foot placed on the back of the two leaders who ran side by side, a grin threatening to split his rubbery face in two.

"Hey, Trafal-guy, these guys have wings! Do you think they can fly?"

"It seems that way," Law replied absently, petting the dry scaly nose of his foal. If he cleared out that back room of the submarine, surely they could make it into a stable. He was the captain anyway, so it wasn't like his crew could complain about having such an adora-...useful flying pet!

...

...

"Have you been experiencing any strange dreams at all?" Dumbledore asked him.

Law shook his head. The old man frowned.

"No stabbing pain anywhere or mood swings?"

The doctor leveled an unamused look at him. "I am not a menstruating woman."

"I meant in your scar."

The pirate thought for a moment about which 'scar' the wizard meant, before realizing that the only scar the headmaster would care about would be his old lightening bold shaped one.

"I have not had that scar for some time."

"My boy, what happened to it? It is very important that you tell me!"

Law closed his eyes and counted down from one hundred. Once he was sure he would not commit a not-entirely-accidental murder, he spoke.

"A situation arose in which I lost a high percentage of the epidermis of my upper face."

"And the scar?"

"I recall it bursting into green flames. Some magical side effect I presume?"

The headmaster waved him off. "Nothing to worry about. It seems you took care of it quite nicely, however just to be certain, I think it would be in your best interest to learn Occlumency."

Law stared at him flatly. "You want me to learn to defend my mind from mental attacks?"

"Professor Snape would be happy to teach you," Dumbledore began before the doctor cut him off.

"I studied the subject in depth some time ago," last time he was in the wizarding world to be precise. "I do not believe such lessons would be mandatory."

"But my boy, it is for the best!"

Law sighed. He did not have the energy argue with a holier than thou old man. "Fine. When would these lessons occur?"

"I shall leave it to you and Professor Snape to decide."

"And they will be done when Snape-ya says my occlumency is good enough?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Then I shall go discuss it with him now." Standing from the office chair, the doctor left for the dungeons.

He found Snape in the potions laboratory adjoined to the classroom. The dark haired wizard stirred a cauldron with unerring precision, while making a note in the journal on the desk.

In that moment, Law very much missed his own laboratory located in the heart of his ship. A patient would be stretched on the table, life held by a tedious string which the surgeon of death could snap at any moment. His crew's grumbles when they had to clean up the blood stains on the floor; Shachi reprimanding him for unplugging the communications system because it broke his concentration; Bepo complaining of the heat and not understanding that they could not surface too quickly lest the crew get nitrogen poisoning...

The doctor carefully folded those thoughts into a small corner of his heart, letting his face go blank as he approached the potions master.

"What do you want Mister Law?" Snape said without looking up from his work. The pirate was again reminded of how likely it would be for he and the other man to be friends, if they did not inconveniently hate each other's guts. (Well, perhaps if he could see Snape's guts Law would decide to hate them, but that would mean he had a chance to dissect a wizard, so he would probably be distracted by other more interesting areas of anatomy.)

"Dumbledore wishes for me to learn occlumency, and said that we should arrange a schedule for you to teach me."

"I cannot waste my precious time to teach you the subtle and difficult art of shielding your mind. I have more important things which require my attention."

Law nodded. "I agree, and tried to inform the headmaster of my proficiency with the skill, however he still wished for us to meet. I propose that you simply test my shields now, so that we may forego tedious lessons."

Snape carefully laid down what he was doing and faced the doctor. "Prepare yourself then, Potter!"

The pirate stared into the dark depths of the potion master's eyes, calmly noting the increasing crease to the older man's eyebrows.

"Your mental shields are...passable," he sneered, "but by no means perfect!"

The doctor refrained from smirking. While working as Joker's underling, Law had learned very quickly to hide his thoughts under a facade. He learned to hide them even deeper once that devil fruit user with the ability to 'look' into minds joined the Warlord's crew too.

Compared to her, Snape was an amateur.

...

...

"As you can see, Madam Umbridge, some students have been asking me to help them with their work after class. I did not want the school's reputation for high OWL scores to sink," he lowered his voice conspiratorially, "Especially after the unsteady education these children have been subjected to."

...

...

"Did you hear? They kicked Dumbledore out of the school last night!" a Hufflepuff with blonde hair hissed to her friend.

"Why?" the other girl gasps.

"They said he was trying overthrow the ministry!"

Her friend gasped again.

Law rolled his eyes, and brought the class to order.

...

...

"Voldemort Returns!" blared that morning's Dailey Prophet. Law contemplates the article over a plate of eggs, while beside him Straw Hat did his best to inhale all the meat on the table.

...

...

...

...

A/N: One of the better uses for my time was googling 'Trafalgar' and reading the wiki page. I had to resist fan-girling out over the fact that Trafalgar is the name of a type of submarine in the Royal Navy, they have a Trafalgar Day to commemorate a whole bunch of battles with the name Trafalgar, and the Bee Gees did an entire album called Trafalgar. The first song in the Album is called "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart." There is also a song on the disc just called Trafalgar, and it is talking about a battle on the sea.

:D So much love going around in my head right now.

A/NN: Right, my creativity juice has dried up for this story... so instead of leaving you, my dear readers, hanging, I'm going to post what blurbs I have in this and one other chapter. Flames are not welcome, though I do understand the rage of anyone who wanted a full fledged fic. Blame college.


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